What Does Your Egregore Need?

Explore your personal egregore

This week, consider your personal egregore. It’s most productive to do this from your Center Space.

It is a distinct energetic structure

First, look at it. It’s not easy to do! We’re so bound into it that in real life, in day to day ordinary living, we can’t even distinguish it from who we are — we’re so sleepily identified with it.

So just being able to look at it is quite a big step.

It’s very distinct from your Being. When I interact with people, even when it’s not in person, I can perceive and feel their Being and their egregore. Their Being communicates, and at the same time, their egregore is communicating with me on a different channel. So it’s like having two phone calls going at the same time, on different lines. It’s not even like they are both speaking on the same line, because the egregore can’t access the channel of the Being.

My Being doesn’t need anything. Also, nothing has ever “happened” to it, yet it is deeply present for all events.

My egregore, on the other hand, has all kinds of needs, and it would like me to take them seriously, to believe they are my needs also. My egregore asserts that all kinds of things have happened to it, though it can never be present for anything in the moment, because it only exists in a projected future or past.

Your egregore has good qualities and some not so great qualities, and also qualities that are neither wonderful nor distasteful, more like neutral qualities. If you asked me to describe the qualities of your Being, I could only say things like shining, pulsating, powerful, immense, glorious, expansive. 

If you’re sitting in meditation, it might be easy to distinguish between your egregore and your Being. But this week, try to do that in your ordinary lived experience.

What does your egregore need?

Start identifying what your egregore needs. Some of these needs will present as emotional needs. Some will be about the need to feel in control.

Others are about importance — a lot of the egregore’s needs are about asserting its importance, reassuring itself that it is important, indispensable, primary. Not only to others, but to yourself. It wants you to believe its needs, activities, its very presence is important, crucial.

But it’s not crucial, indispensable. It’s also not you. It’s AI, a Synthetic Self — and this causes a kind of self-consciousness, a fundamental insecurity. To fight that off, the Synth is always trying to take up more space, more light, more energy, more attention. It demands to stand in between you and your body, you and your emotions — it wants you to believe it is the mediator between you and these types of natural communication. Your body will communicate with you directly. Your emotions will rise and move on their own. But the Synth wants to step in and narrate and coordinate these functions, making itself seem more important, more integral to the whole.

It takes itself very seriously and demands that everyone else does, too. It wants to be acknowledged, validated, seen. And not just once! It wants this constantly in one form or another.

I’ll give you a personal example. My egregore needs to be on time – it hates to be late, even by a minute. If there is even a slight chance at any point that I might possibly be a wee tiny little bit late, it starts to panic and fret and wring its hands frantically (in my mind, in my inner projection… of course, I’m not physically doing this — in fact, externally I look calm as peaches).

It wants to feel in control. It wants me to take it seriously, to take this need to be on time, to control the chaos, seriously.

It needs to research and to plan ahead so it will be on time. It needs to be vigilant and would like to take up a lot of my energy and attention around the subject of not being late, for anything, the slightest most insignificant thing. If permitted, it would create an astonishing amount of drama around the mere possibility of being 30 seconds late to meet the driver delivering a food order to the lobby of my building.

The thing is, without the egregore, I would be just as punctual, only I wouldn’t have any thoughts or anxiety or heightened energy or drama about it. My egregore would like me to believe that without it, I would never show up for anything on schedule. It wants me to believe this internal drama is necessary. It’s not.

Your egregore has lots of needs, big and small. Start to notice them, and to realize they are the egregore’s needs.

You can distinguish the egregore’s needs by simply looking for the distortion that we covered in a previous lesson. The minute you perceive the excess energy, value and importance, that heightened, jacked up feeling of importance, you will have caught the signature of the egregore. Become an expert in distinguishing the signature of your egregore.

So in the example of my egregore needing to not be late, I would notice the heightened vigilance, the anxiety, the hyperfocus, around being on time. I totally forget about the content. I’m not judging the content or the validity of it — is it important that I be on time in this instance? is this normal? — I’m only paying attention to the quality of the energy, I’m looking for the egregore’s signature.

This will feel like the opposite of expansion, openness, flow and possibility. It will feel like a narrowing down, a constriction down, and this will be preceded and accompanied by an intensity, a feeling of importance, urgency. It may feel hot or cold, you may experience this in different ways in different parts of your body. It is a heightened state, like you just got shot up with adrenaline or cocaine (actually, I’ve never done cocaine, so I’m really just imagining from what I’ve seen in movies!).

Please go back and revisit Distorting Reality for clarity around this. Forget about the content or topic, instead, look only for the signature — the volume getting turned up, the friction, the distortion.

And then watch for the justification. Your egregore will jump in and offer plausible sounding reasons. So another thing to look for is when the egregore reacts with reasons and justifications. This is part of the egregore’s mechanics, so it’s very useful to watch for it.

What does your egregore believe?

Your egregore is programming. It is a catalog of beliefs, or coded logic, and those beliefs will be what underlie its needs and actions.

For instance, my egregore believes that it must be perfect at all times and in all ways or else it will die. That is the coded logic, the belief, at the heart of its demand to be on time.

If I was identified with my egregore, then I would feel, deep down, reflexively, unconsciously, that if I’m not perfect I will die. But I know, not intellectually, but I really and truly know  and experience moment by moment that I am not the egregore and that this is a core program the egregore coded in early childhood.

Before my parents adopted me, they adopted a baby boy. But after 6 months, they realized he had a heart condition, so they sent him back. It seems that shouldn’t be possible, but it was. Then they adopted a girl, but after four years, they felt she was turning out “ugly” so they gave her away to some other people. They said she was developing a “pig face” as she left babyhood. And then they found me, and I must have been perfect, because they kept me.

You can easily see how these beliefs get coded. I must be perfect to survive. That is the condition by which I earn my position, my survival.

Realize that I was only told this story about the previous two adoptees once. I have no idea why, but one day my mother told me the story and showed me a picture of each of them, and never spoke of it again. Also, neither of my parents ever said or indicated that they would get rid of me if I was not perfect. It was not a threat at all. In fact, my parents constantly pointed out how valuable and prized I was, like a rare ruby or some other coveted possession.

So this deep and abiding fear of abandonment and annihilation was coded into my system as a child from an incident that happened only once, lasted fifteen minutes and was not accompanied by any kind of threat. It was a fleeting moment, which is probably why I didn’t think it had any importance or impact on me. How wrong I was.

It’s important to find out what your egregore believes, because those beliefs are at the root of your receptors, which of course, make you susceptible to hooks and cords.

Buried treasure in unexpected places

My egregore was operating on a belief, a program, a core logic: imperfection = abandonment and death. That’s pretty heavy stuff, no? Yet, for most of my adult life, this was entirely invisible to me. It only became visible by doing the practice I am proposing to you here: learn to notice the egregore’s signature of heightened importance, the reality distortion — then follow that thread through persistent, simple inquiry until you get to the seed.

There is nothing hard about this, nothing complicated. But it’s still not easy. It’s weird, but we’re kind of addicted to the egregore’s energetic distortion — that injection of urgency, of importance into our reality stream. I don’t know why, but it’s exciting, like adding chili flakes on your food. It makes your blood come to the surface, it makes you sweat a little. And we like it. A little is fine, but we rarely have that kind of control.

Also, it can be difficult to get all the way to the seed. We go down a few layers of mind-stuff until we find something that seems like a revelation, but often it’s still not the seed. It’s a kind of tricky thing the egregore does, to divulge something that seems juicy, just to get you to be satisfied enough to stop.

That’s okay though, because you’ll have many opportunities to take up the search again, and go deeper. You’ll know because some time will pass (sometimes quite a bit) and then you’ll get triggered again, by something you thought you had completely resolved. That’s okay, just go in to deeper layers and look for the seed.

One seed will produce many receptors, so once you truly find the seed and deal with it, a lot of receptors that may seem totally unrelated will be affected. This is really great news: you don’t need to fix every single receptor individually. They are networked, in ways that are sometimes completely surprising.

For instance, my belief that imperfection would lead to abandonment and death produced many receptors that were related to my close relationships — as one might easily predict. But that is not how I discovered this important seed.

I was doing my practice, noticing what I spend my energy on, looking for energetic distortions of excess urgency and importance, and I recognized it in my habitual anxiety and insistence on being punctual. When I did my inquiry, it led me to this seed, which had been totally invisible to me all along.

What an incredible find, a true treasure, that I just stumbled over while investigating something that seemed totally unrelated, and frankly, unimportant. My punctuality fetish really wasn’t something I considered a problem.

Sometimes we can’t see things directly, looking in the places we expect to find them. That’s why making it a regular practice to recognize the excess energy signature of the egregore in daily life leads to incredible insights and changes in one’s life — you can get to the root of so many seeds and receptors in this way, when you are looking casually rather than doing some kind of intentional self-therapy.

I know it sounds obvious when I lay it out clearly, but believe me when I say that I was completely surprised by my discovery in the example I’ve given. Even though self reflection and awareness and inner work has been a defining hallmark of my life since I was a teenager — I still had no idea at all that this belief was seeding receptors, triggering me and distorting so much of my reality — from relatively small things like being fixated on punctuality to much more important things, like the way I saw myself in close relationships.

When I worked to resolve the seed, so many receptors fell away — I’m sure there were many I wasn’t even aware of. But there was no need to be, because once you find the true seed and deal with it, the entire nested complex collapses.

So I encourage you to make becoming aware of your egregore’s signature (excess energy) in daily life a regular practice. Follow that thread back and find out what your egregore wants, then…why? What does your egregore believe? It’s a humble practice with an immeasurable benefit.